Success In Coaching: May 2014

Thursday, May 29, 2014

Growing Up

“It takes courage to grow up and become who you really are.”

– e.e. cummings

(1894-1962) Poet

The classic story of Peter Pan has been loved and enjoyed by thousands. The draw has always been the idea of a boy who would not grow up. For most people, they know the version done by Walt Disney where Peter is a charming lad and the children go off to Never land for great adventures. For those who have ventured into the original book by J.M. Barrie found a story a bit different. The original story is very dark, bloody and filled with sadness and danger.

This is true for all those who do not wish to grow up. People have a fantasy that not growing up means fun and lack of responsibility. They hope for adventures, not danger; the ability to fly, not the possibility of being shot with an arrow. In reality, however, those who refuse to grow up never achieve their destiny, they do not enjoy the fruits of success and end up empty and broken by a cruel and uncaring world. As President Abraham Lincoln said, "You cannot escape the responsibility of tomorrow by evading it today."

As a coach, you may have found clients who come to you with a great fear of responsibility. They want someone to tell them what to do - someone meaning you. They do not like to make decisions or to stick their necks out by taking a risk. Fear has paralyzed them and they come to you, looking for answers.

In order to help these dear souls you must help them first to grow up. I am not suggesting that you be harsh and tell them, "If you just grew up you would not be in this mess", even though that is the truth. The thing that keeps people from growing up is the fear of being responsible for themselves.

This is why it is important to never make a decision for them or tell them what to do. Help them make their own decision, give them support in those decisions but do not take responsibility for them. You will find that when a person starts being responsible (doing assignments on time and doing their own planning), and making their own decisions (what they should do and not do), they will feel more in control and confident.

Growing up is a natural process. It happens whether we want it to or not. You are really not helping them to grow up, you are helping them see that they are already grown up. Being a grown up is a great adventure in itself. Yes, you now have to be responsible for yourself, make your own decisions and carry your own weight, but that is how it was meant to be. Anything less is unnatural and therefore difficult to maintain.

Be the grown up in your coaching relationships and show yourself as a responsible leader. Your clients will see this and have an example to follow without you even telling them to. They are looking for answers remember, that is why they came to you. So, show them the answer.

You matter to the world. You are here to make a difference and that difference is good. Remember the qualities of a real success-minded person: Be your best. Love God. Have good manners. Discover the unknown. Change the world.

John Patrick Hickey is an author, speaker, and Life Coach. To read more from John Patrick Hickey or to get his books, training and book him to speak to your church, business or group, visit our website at http://www.growthcenter.net or www.johnpatrickhickey.com. © 2014 John Patrick Hickey

Tuesday, May 27, 2014

Knowing Means Doing

“Learning and having knowledge alone will not get you success.”

– Louise Chan

Life-Coach/ Author

Okay! I admit it, success-minded people like to learn. We will read, study, take courses, attend seminars, webinars, and any other "inars" we can find. It is the nature of success-minded people to want to have more and more knowledge on whatever their main subject is. This is really a great thing and by no means do I want to discourage it. There is a downside however. If all you are doing is collecting knowledge and never actually applying it, you are doing nothing of any meaningful power or purpose.

I have been asked many times by coaches who have been to all the courses, been certified and have read many books and articles on coaching, "What do I do next?" This question shows me two things: one is that they have learned more than they have used; and second is that they have not discovered one of the key principles of coaching and that is to use it yourself.

Let me give you a couple of helpful ideas of how you can move forward in your couching business and practice. I think that you will find these familiar and simple. In fact, they will be so familiar and simple that you will wonder why you have not figured this out yourself.

Practice What You Preach

One of the things coaches find to be true is that we, as humans, all really fight the same battles. We may give them different names and dress them up a bit differently, but they still are the same. We all seek to find our purpose in life. We all battle with confidence and fear. We all find that we do the things we do not want to do and avoid the very things we so deeply want. These are not problems only fought by your clients, you fight them too.

When asked, "What should I do next?" I often will tell coaches, "What would you tell your client to do?" "What do you know you should do?" Then, it is just a case of doing it. "Oh, it cannot be that simple." Oh yes it can. If you did just want you already know to do, you would be amazed on the progress you would make. As economist and actor, Ben Stein said, "It's amazing what ordinary people can do if they set out without preconceived notions."

The Simple Answer is the Best

A drawback to too much knowledge on a subject is that we tend to want to use it all. We complicate every decision and choice we make. Remember the old "Occam's Razor" you learned in school: "The simplest answer is most likely the best."

There is no need to complicate everything or try to impress other - or yourself - with how much you know. Think things through and find the simplest answer to every problem.

Do More Than You Say

In the end, the only thing that will move you forward is the action you take. Nothing happens without action! Think about what you would advise a client to do and then actually do it. Do not think about it, explain it or study it farther, do it!

You have trained to be a coach. You know this stuff and you live to help others. Now, apply what you know to yourself and really learn what you have worked so hard to gain. You will find that most of what you need you already possess.

Thursday, May 22, 2014

Changing Your Mind

“Transforming your life and changing the prospect of your future begins with transforming

your thought life.”

– William Valmyr

Life-Coach

In the act of coaching someone, you, as the coach, are looking for your client to change their behavior. You want them to do the assignments you have given them. You encourage your clients to do what they need to in order to achieve the success they seek. When change does not happen, our first thoughts are that they just are not doing what they need to do. One this point, we could be wrong.

I have found that many time the thing that needs to change is their thinking not what they do. They have gotten their thoughts stuck in negative or defeatist patterns. It is hard to do what you need to do for success when you really do not believe that you can succeed in the first place.

The key to all change, to all achievement is first and foremost in the mind. If you can help your client to change the way they think, you will help them to change the way they live. Scripture tells us that as a man thinks in his heart, so is he. What does your client think about him/herself in their heart? Do they see themselves as a winner or a loser? Do they believe they can achieve their dream or that they will always fall short? The answer to their success is in the answer to these questions.

As an encourager, a coach does not tell people nice things to help them feel better. Your job is to tell the truth and the truth is that your client was "designed for accomplishment, engineered for success, and endowed with the seeds of greatness", as Zig Ziglar put it. They can achieve their goals because God created them to achieve their goals. Do you believe that? If you, as the coach, do not believe that, do not expect your client to believe it either.

First, get your thinking right. Believe in the dreams of your client. Sure they may seem impossible; in fact, if they are not impossible they are too small. If they believe this is what they are called to do, who are you to discourage or dismiss them. Believe in their dreams, encourage them to move forward at full steam and see them do great things. Change their thinking and you will help to change their life.

Tuesday, May 20, 2014

Decide And Do It

“Good decisions must be followed through with action. Without action, a good decision becomes meaningless, for the desire itself can die through lack of an attempt to achieve its fulfillment. That's why you should act immediately on a good decision.”

– W. Clement Stone

(1902-2002) Author / Businessman

For most of us, if we did only a fraction of all that we said we were going to do, we would have already achieved more than humanly possible. We love to talk about all that we are going to do and what dreams we have cooking in our heads and hearts. The problem is that we talk so much about them we never really get around to doing them.

As coaches, we see this reality from two sides, that of the clients and that from the coach (our own). Clients many times can talk a good game. You want them to tell you their hopes and dreams, however, if all they do is tell you about it then you should be a therapist not a coach. Our responsibility as a coach is to encourage and demand action. Without action nothing happens.

This is why I always encourage coaches to give homework assignments with each session. This is a way to cause action to happen. The homework itself is not the point, it is the taking action to complete it that you want. If it is not done, you know that your client is not serious about their success. If they do the assignment, chances are great that they will take even more action to achieve their goals.

And what about you. I hear from many coaches that they want to develop their own practice and get more clients. The reality is, too many do not do anything to make that happen. People will not come and knock on your door to have you coach them. They do not even know that you are out there. Again, without action nothing happens.

Take some time and sit down with pen and paper, or your computer, and write out what you would like to see happen in your coaching practice. It does not matter if you have an over abundance of clients or you have never really coached anyone at all. What do you want to see happen? Now, start to write out just how do you go about making that happen. Do you need to be more public? Do you need to work with someone else till you develop clients of your own? Do you need a coach to help you get started? List everything you need to do in order to achieve your goals.

Once you have completed that, start getting it done. Start by doing the small easy things that you know to do and build from there. The secret is to keep on going and not stop till you have achieved your goals. It can happen for you just as it does with your clients, you only have to decide what you want, how to get it and take decisive, consistent and massive action.

Tuesday, May 13, 2014

Success Is More Than Just Wanting It

“Desire is the key to motivation, but it's determination and commitment to an unrelenting pursuit of your goal - a commitment to excellence - that will enable you to attain the success you seek.”

– Mario Andretti

(1940- ) Race Car driver

Coaches want to see their clients with a real passion to succeed. It is really difficult to coach someone who really does not care if they achieve their dreams or not. That may sound funny, but there are many people out there that feel that way. However, those who really desire success must see that desire as only a starting point. True success takes much more.

There are four key areas that all success-minded people must understand and embrace if they are going to achieve their goals. All of these require action on their part and can only be done by them. There are no short cuts or skipping one or two. These four keys are time, price, work and change.

Time

Success takes time. That is just the way it is. You cannot achieve a dream and think you will find a short cut or do it in your "spare" time. There must be a commitment to do what it takes no matter how long it takes. If your goal requires more education, training, or study, then do it. Remember that five years will pass in five years, nothing will change that. What will matter is what you do in that five years.

Price

Everything has a price. Nothing is free or there for the taking. That price may be in money, materials, time, energy or any number of things, but it is a price. All success-minded people need to understand and agree to pay the price for their success. Here is an important key in looking at paying the price. You can say no. If a person honestly looks at the cost of what it will take for them to achieve their goal and they decide that they really do not wish to pay it, then they should walk away and find something else to do. It is always a choice - their choice.

Work

Here is where so many people fail and give up on their dreams. To achieve your dreams in life will take a lot of hard work. We live in a society that teaches us that hard work is for the looser or the unskilled. Really successful people do not work hard they work smart. That is all foolish trash. Successful people are those who work hard, have a skill and build on that skill with all they have. One of my current heroes is Mike Rowe, former host of the TV show Dirty Jobs. Rowe said, "The Skills Gap is a symptom of what we value as a society. And right now we don't value hard work. We don't value skilled labor. We don't value alternative education. We didn't just 'wind up here'. We put ourselves here."

Change

All success requires change. You must change what you learn, how you learn, what you do, how you think and how you act. If you want to achieve your dreams and become a successful person you need to understand who that person is. Don't say, "I am me and I will not be anything else." You are where you are because it is who you are. To be someplace else you need to grow and change to become that person. Abraham Lincoln said, "I do not think much of a man who is the same today as he was yesterday." Growth, development, success all mean change. Do not fear change, embrace it and become the very best you can be.

Thursday, May 8, 2014

If You're Not Reading You're Not Growing

“A man's reading program should be as carefully planned as his daily diet, for that too is food, without which he cannot grow mentally.”

– Andrew Carnegie

(1835-1919) Industrialist

We all have our own campaigns we pursue. These are things that we really believe in and promote in every way, and at every occasion we can. For me it is reading. I believe that the ability to read is one of the greatest gifts to human kind. Readers grow and learn wonderful things and they discover that life is full of limitless possibilities. Readers are leaders and there is nothing that can stop the success-minded person who develops a strong habit of regular reading.

I want you to ask yourself this: "How many books have I read in the last year?" The answer to that question will answer all others you have in regards to your achievement in life. It is a known fact and much research has proved it over and over again. People who have a regular habit of reading do more, know more and achieve greater things than those who do not.

Here is a shocking statistic. Over 45% of college graduates claim they never read another book since they left school. That is unbelievable to me. These are also the people who never grow beyond where they are when the graduate, they do not dream or seek to achieve greatness. I am reminded of the classic Mark Twain quote when he said, "The man who does not read has no advantage over the man who cannot."

Back to your question. How much do you read? Do you have a regular reading program you have set up for yourself? If not, I strongly encourage you to do so. When you set your goals each year, add to it how many book, and what kind of books you will read in the year. It only takes a few moments a day to read enough to have earned a Doctorate in just a matter of a year.

There are two excuses that must never come from a success-minded person. They are: "I have no time to read"' and "I really don't like reading." We all have time that we can read. If you have time to watch TV, movies, nap or just waste, you have lots of time to read. I love Groucho Marx statement, "I find TV very educational. Every time someone turns it on I go into the other room and read."

Make reading a regular part of your daily routine. Reading can and should be fun, enjoyable and informative. You can read book relating to your area of work or interest, fiction, biographies, history, or whatever interests you. You will find that when you make reading a habit, it will pay off in wonderful and profitable ways.

Tuesday, May 6, 2014

Only Argue With Smart People

“Whatever you do in life, surround yourself with smart people who'll argue with you.”

– John Wooden

(1910-2010 ) Coach

I know, we are told that it is not right to argue. Even the great Dale Carnegie said, "The best way to win an argument is to avoid it." In many cases that is good, sound advice. However, there are those times when an argument can not only be good, but a real learning experience. There is a big difference between arguing to prove you are right and arguing to teach something important.

In the early days of my becoming a Christian, I worked with the Salvation Army in Vermont for a year. The lady who was in charge of the corps I was part of was an old Brigadier who was one of the most challenging people I had ever met. No matter what I said, especially in terms of my faith, she questioned. She was always insisting that I prove why I believed the way I did. At the time I felt she was just being disagreeable, but as I grow and matured in the Lord I came to understand that she was really one of my best teachers.

The most important lesson I received from the Brigadier was not how to win an argument (by the way - I never did), it was the importance in knowing not just what I believed but why. She drove me to the Scriptures to better understand why I thought the way I did. This practice of knowing what and why I believe - in all areas of life - is with me to this day, some 40 years later.

This is why it is good to be sure you surround yourself with people smarter than you are. You will always find people who will argue with you. You will always find people who know more than you do. Remember this, just because someone has more knowledge in a subject than you do does not mean they are smarter. There are many who have earned dozens of degrees who are at heart fools. Those that are smarter than you are those who can and do teach you to be better than you are, they are not the ones who just want to impress you with what they know.

The same applies for you helping others. Do not argue with people just to prove you are right, know more or to make them look stupid. Always think of others and what you can do to help them succeed, be their best and learn something useful. You can tell someone an important lesson and they may, or may not, remember it. Drive them to discover an answer for themselves and they will remember it for a life time.

I am who I am today because I have been blessed to know smart people who were willing to challenge me and make me think, search, discover and prove all I know. This is a debit that I can never repay and the great thing is, no of these great people, past and present expect payment. Sometimes, those people who argue with you at every turn are the ones who love and give you the most.

Thursday, May 1, 2014

Becoming What You Hate

“When you hold resentment, you are bound to that person or condition by an emotional link that is stronger than steel.”

– Catherine Ponder

(1927- ) Author

If you have ever dealt with a person who has been holding onto bitterness against someone (or may it has happened to you personally) you start to see a strange transformation take place. They start to become just like the person they hate. They may not notice it themselves at first. If they were hurt because someone treated them badly, they soon start treating others badly. If the person they are angry with is nasty and mean, they become nasty and mean. It is a reality that comes from un-forgiveness.

Forgiveness is an issue that has been surrounded by many myths over the years. I think that for Christians, it is a difficult issue in that we know that forgiveness is required of us, but we really do not know how to forgive those who hurt us. Let's look at a few of those myths.

To Forgive Is To Forget

This I think is one of the difficult and misguided myths surrounding forgiveness. For one, you can forgive but you cannot forget. It is humanly impossible, outside of getting a lobotomy to forget things. I know that the thinking is that God forgave us and forgot our sins. That in itself is untrue. Yes, God has forgiven us. The price that Jesus paid on the cross was full and complete. But God knows all things. He has not forgotten your sins, He chooses not to hold them to your account any longer. We too can forgive and decide not to hold a wrong against others, that does not mean we forget.

If I Forgive All Will Be Okay

If you have suffered at the hands of an abusive person (physically or mentally) you can and must forgive that person. That does not mean you put yourself back in that relationship or situation. That is foolishness. You can forgive and let go and still never see or connect with a person again. Forgiveness is not a lack of wisdom.

If I Refuse To Forgive I am In Control

There are people who do not want to forgive thinking they are making someone "pay" for their mistakes. The opposite is the truth. When we are in un-forgiveness we become a slave to the person we do not forgive. They hold our thoughts, our happiness, and our life. As author Lewis Smedes said, "Forgiveness sets the prisoner free and you discover the prisoner was you."

Forgiveness is a difficult and involved issue, but it is necessary to find success in life and to be free to pursue your dreams. You do not have to understand forgiveness to give forgiveness. You don't even need to willingness of the person you are forgiving. Give it all over to the Lord and He will give the grace, love and strength you need to live the life of fullness and freedom He has provided for you.