Becoming What You Hate

“When you hold resentment, you are bound to that person or condition by an emotional link that is stronger than steel.”

– Catherine Ponder

(1927- ) Author

If you have ever dealt with a person who has been holding onto bitterness against someone (or may it has happened to you personally) you start to see a strange transformation take place.  They start to become just like the person they hate.  They may not notice it themselves at first.  If they were hurt because someone treated them badly, they soon start treating others badly.  If the person they are angry with is nasty and mean, they become nasty and mean.  It is a reality that comes from un-forgiveness.

                Forgiveness is an issue that has been surrounded by many myths over the years.  I think that for Christians, it is a difficult issue in that we know that forgiveness is required of us, but we really do not know how to forgive those who hurt us.  Let's look at a few of those myths.

To Forgive Is To Forget

                This I think is one of the difficult and misguided myths surrounding forgiveness.  For one, you can forgive but you cannot forget.  It is humanly impossible, outside of getting a lobotomy to forget things.  I know that the thinking is that God forgave us and forgot our sins.  That in itself is untrue.  Yes, God has forgiven us.  The price that Jesus paid on the cross was full and complete.  But God knows all things.  He has not forgotten your sins, He chooses not to hold them to your account any longer.  We too can forgive and decide not to hold a wrong against others, that does not mean we forget.

If I Forgive All Will Be Okay

                If you have suffered at the hands of an abusive person (physically or mentally) you can and must forgive that person.  That does not mean you put yourself back in that relationship or situation.  That is foolishness.  You can forgive and let go and still never see or connect with a person again.  Forgiveness is not a lack of wisdom.

If I Refuse To Forgive I am In Control

                There are people who do not want to forgive thinking they are making someone "pay" for their mistakes.  The opposite is the truth.  When we are in un-forgiveness we become a slave to the person we do not forgive.  They hold our thoughts, our happiness, and our life.  As author Lewis Smedes said, "Forgiveness sets the prisoner free and you discover the prisoner was you."

                Forgiveness is a difficult and involved issue, but it is necessary to find success in life and to be free to pursue your dreams.  You do not have to understand forgiveness to give forgiveness.  You don't even need to willingness of the person you are forgiving.  Give it all over to the Lord and He will give the grace, love and strength you need to live the life of fullness and freedom He has provided for you.

                You matter to the world.  You are here to make a difference and that difference is good.  Remember the qualities of a real success-minded person: Be your best.  Love God.  Have good manners. Discover the unknown.  Change the world.

John Patrick Hickey is an author, speaker, and Life Coach. To read more from John Patrick Hickey or to get his books, training and book him to speak to your church, business or group, visit our website at http://www.growthcenter.net or www.johnpatrickhickey.com.   © 2014 John Patrick Hickey