Success In Coaching: February 2014

Thursday, February 27, 2014

Christian First / Coach Second

“People look at me and see a calm, cool guy on the sidelines and I want them to know

that my Christian faith affects my coaching and everything I do.”

– Tony Dungy

(1955- ) NFL Coach

The principles of coaching, success or behavior are universal. They are the same for everyone and when followed they always work. It is like the laws of nature. It does not matter if you believe in them or not, jump off the roof and you will hit the ground - every time. But there is a law that is above all others and it too is universal, however, many do not feel the need to follow or apply it and yet still have success. Sadly they are mistaken. This is the law of God.

Those who read this blog are for the most part Christians. That is the group I am writing to, Christian Life Coaches. The title Christian is not to distinguish them as religious coaches. The principles they teach and give to their clients are for coaching anyone. The title Christian says who they are not what they do. And that makes all the difference.

As Christians we are held to a higher standard in all we do. That is because we live our faith, not use it as a tool to help people get their life together. As a coach, I desire to see people be all they can be and to fulfill their purpose for living. As a Christian, I do not believe that is possible outside of a relationship with Jesus Christ.

You can learn the principles of success and not have a faith in Christ, but that knowledge will only take you so far. You cannot fully live a successful life and not know the one who designed you to live that life. Think of it like being married to someone you have ever met or seen. You may have something that says you are married; and you may say to others that you are married, but there is no marriage because there is no relationship.

I know many Christian coaches who do not use the word Christian in the promotions thinking that will "scare" non-Christians away. I have many clients that are not believers, however, each one know not only of my faith but their need for a faith of their own. I would not be telling them the truth if I was to say they can succeed without knowing Christ. It is leaving out the true key of all success.

Coaches must also remember that it is not a spiritual thing. It is never a case that a person can believe in any god they choose and be okay. Jesus said that no one - No one - comes to the Father but through Him. If I was to say otherwise I would be lying to my clients and doing them great harm.

Remember that we are Christians first and foremost, and coaches second. This does not mean you have to evangelize every person you see before you coach them. It does mean that you are honest and forward with them that the key to all success and fulfillment is in Christ Jesus. Then it is up to them to decide. Live your faith at all times. You will have moments when you are not a coach but you will never have a moment that you are not a Christian.

John Patrick Hickey is an author, speaker, and Life Coach. To read more from John Patrick Hickey or to get his books, training and book him to speak to your church, business or group, visit our website at http://www.growthcenter.net or www.johnpatrickhickey.com. © 2014 John Patrick Hickey

Tuesday, February 25, 2014

The Right Person For The Right Job

“Selecting the right person for the right job is the largest part of coaching.”

– Phil Crosby

(1926-2001) Businessman

Josh (not real name) came to me because he wanted a career change. His current job was getting him on where and he was dissatisfied with how his career path was going. Josh had heard of a different job, new company, more money, however, he was not sure about the skills required for the job. My counsel to Josh was to do some research and see if he was a fit for the job. I told Josh that the money could not be the deciding factor, it had to be the fit.

After some research, Josh discovered that he could do the job, however, it would mean spending a great deal of his time doing tasks he really did not like nor felt qualified to do. The job involved a good bit of accounting skills and where Josh knew how to do the tasks needed, he hated working with numbers. Josh was far more of a people kind of guy and to be locked in an office alone with numbers all day was not his idea of fun.

My advice to Josh - do not take the job. He was not leaving his current job because of money, he was leaving because he felt unfulfilled at his work. So why go into a job that makes you even more unfulfilled?

This seems like a simple answer, however you will find people all the time who go from one bad job to another for no other reason than money. Yes, we all want to earn a good wage and be able to support ourselves, however, there is a better and more strategic way to do this. Here are some simple things you can help your clients look at when thinking of a career change:

What Are Your Strengths

Have them look at and list the things they are good at. Not what they would like to be good at, or what they think they should be good at, but what they are actually good at. These are what are called their strengths. Marcus Buckingham, author of many books dealing with working in your strengths, says simply, "Your strengths make you strong. Your weaknesses make you weak." Help your client to find what it is they do that empowers them and that they do the best.

Where Can You Use Your Strengths

If a person is looking for a career change they must first know where they want to go. Where do they feel they can best use their strengths and add value to the company? This will require a bit of research but that is okay. Never have them use the excuse, "They are not hiring" as one to avoid going to where they will fit and make a difference.

What Do You Have To Do

I just said not to use the "not hiring" excuse when seeking a better career. Every good company is looking for the best people. They may not be looking to fill a position at this time, but they are always looking for the right people. Many a good company have created a position for a person more than fill a position with a person. How can they show themselves as a person of value and one that they need to hire? This is hard work, but can be done and is done by many successful people.

Help you client to find the right fit, not just another job. If we, as success-minded people are to grow and be our best, we must always be looking to add value and to be excellent at what we do. New jobs and more money are never enough to make a successful person.

Thursday, February 20, 2014

You are at a mall where you have never been before. It is the biggest mall you have ever seen. Now it is time to go but you are not sure what exit to head for, so you go to the kiosk and look at the map. In the center of a picture that looks like a jig saw puzzle you see a little arrow that reads "You Are Here!" The problem is, you still don't know where "Here" is.

That is what it can be like for some who are pursuing their goals. They know here they want to go, but not sure how to get there. When they go to books and blogs for help, all they find is "You Are Here!". This is why many will seek the help and guidance of a coach. A coach allows them to meet with a real human, talk and discover just where their "Here" is.

Coaches are there to give the detailed direction through the maze surrounding many people's goals. You do not set the goal not do you create the path they need to follow. What a good coach does is help the client make sense of the path. It is the discovery of the best route to follow. Note, I said the best, not the fastest or the easiest. Many times the quickest way is not the best way to follow. Our desire is not to help people get where they want to go as fast as we can, but to help them succeed in getting to where they want to go.

The advantage that a coach has is that you are looking at the map from the outside. You can remove all the emotion, fears and distractions along the way and point out what needs to be done and when. The person in the middle of the map is like the person in the middle of a maze. You cannot see the twists and turns to avoid. The person who is on top can see it all.

A few years ago I took a group of Cub Scouts to a corn maze here in Michigan. Not long into the maze we were hopelessly lost. We kept going in circles and could not find the way out. There was however a man sitting in a tower at the edge of the maze. His job was to find the lost souls inside and tell them where to turn to find the way out. He shouted a few directions to us and in time, we found the exit from the maze.

A coach is like the man in the tower. We can help those who are lost in the maze to find the way to the exit. We do not go in and get them, not do we cut a new and better path, we just have the ability to see things from an angle that allow us to help the find their way to their goal.

Tuesday, February 18, 2014

Making A Leader

“Leaders aren't born, they are made. And they are made just like anything else, through hard work.

And that's the price we'll have to pay to achieve that goal, or any goal.”

– Vince Lombardi

(1913-1970 ) Football Coach

Leadership is one of those areas that can come with a bit of confusion. It is not too difficult to define and explain what leadership is. There are thousands of book on leadership that people can turn to. But to define what makes a leader is another story. Not everyone is destined to be a leader. Some of the best leaders are not in leadership positions. And then you have non-leaders trying to lead true leaders. Yes, who is a leader can be a bit of work to figure out.

Where no one is born a leader, there are those who have the behavioral styles consistent with displaying leadership skills. The thing to remember is that leadership is not power or position. As I said, there are some people who have great leadership skills who do not hold the leadership position. There are others who are very weak in this area and yet hold the title. John C. Maxwell has a great way to see if you are a leader; he says, "...if no one is following you, you are just going for a walk."

As a coach, you may have someone come to you for help in becoming a leader. Sometimes you will see that the qualities for leadership are there and you can help them to develop and grow those qualities. For others, you will quickly know that they do not possess the skills for a leadership role. This does not mean they cannot learn those skills, it only means they will need to work at it harder and longer than others.

The key to helping people to become better leaders is not in giving them more and more information, but in getting them to take action and act like leaders. Author, speaker and my good friend, Doug Dickerson said in his book, Great Leaders Wanted, "Developing leaders can read the latest books, attend trendy conferences, and watch every webcast, but at the end of the day, the great leadership speakers and writers cannot do anything for you until you take action for yourself."

Help your clients know that the one thing any leader does best is lead. Leading is not pushing, pulling, threatening or manipulating, it is the ability to get people to follow your direction and example. This is why great leaders must be people of character and integrity. Anyone can force other people to do what they say, but that is not following. To get people to follow you they must believe in what you are doing and even more, believe in you.

Leaders are not born, they are also not forced. You cannot decide to be a leader or be appointed one. You develop the ability to lead and then people will follow. They will not follow the position or the title, they will follow the person. Help you clients to understand that and you will have made a leader.

Thursday, February 13, 2014

All A Matter Of Commitment

“The difference between the possible and the impossible lies in a person's determination.”

– Tommy Lasorda

(1927 - ) Baseball Coach

Have you ever met a person who was truly and completely committed to their dream? It is a wonderful sight to see. They are hungry to learn, grow and achieve great things. There is no doubts about success or fear of failure. That is why they have sought out a coach to help them on their journey. They have the confidence to know they can achieve their dream and the wisdom to know they need some help and direction on the way.

You, as a coach, may think that these people are few and far between, however, this committed and excited person is in the heart of everyone who seeks out a coach to help them achieve their dream. It may not be on the surface right away; that is why they have come to you. But in the quiet of their heart they are constantly seeking the next task and the next achievement.

As a coach, it is for us to help them bring this excited and hungry person to the surface. The coach helps them to understand that they indeed can achieve great things and if they are willing to work hard, they there will be no stopping them.

Allow me to give you a few simple things you, as a coach, can do to help those who seek your help become all they can be:

Vision

Help your client to see the dream that is before them. Do not define it for them, but rather have them define it for you. Get them to describe what they plan to do in detail and with excitement. By attaching emotion to the description of the dream they give it life and a power that will carry them forward.

Strategy

Help them design a plan to achieve this dream. This is the main reason they have come to a coach. They need you to help them think in a strategic and clear fashion. Have them write this plan down so they can later refer to it and clarify it. Take them step by step in a logical way so they know what they need to do first, second and so on.

Action

Always expect and demand action. Nothing happens - nothing - without action. After each coaching session give them an assignment to do before the next visit. This is not so they give you something to work with, it is to get them to take some action. Once you start them on a road to action, they will continue on their own.

Encouragement

Be their biggest cheerleader. Encourage even the smallest advance. Do not criticize or correct, always give them encouragement to keep moving forward. We, as humans, live for encouragement and the knowledge that someone approves of us. Be that person who helps them see they have great value, they make a difference and that you believe in them

Saturday, February 8, 2014

The Grave Is Not A Storage Container

“Don't go to the grave with life unused.”

– Bobby Bowden

(1929 - ) Football Coach

Think of the term, Life Coach. What does that say to you? You are coaching people to live. You have taken on the responsibility to help people not only find out what their life is all about, but to help them discover how to live it. Yes, everyone is responsible for their own life and you, as a coach are not there to tell others how to live. However, you are there to tell them they can live.

I have always made it my policy, and I make this clear to every client, that I will not tell people what their calling, purpose or dream is. That is between them and God and no one should make that decision for them - or you. I will however help them to discover what that is and then help them find a plan to achieve it. This really does not take a great deal of time since that calling, purpose or dream is already there in them.

We all approach this in different ways and there really is no "one right way" when it comes to helping people. Each person is different and each approach is different. I keep my coaching to four session. In that time we can identify where a person is going, how they plan to get there, what they need to do and when and get them moving in the right direction. I work mostly with business people or other coaches so many already know what they want to do before I meet with them.

The key to helping others is to get them to take clear and decisive action as quickly as possible. Help them to see that their life is to be lived now, not on some other day. This sense of urgency is not a rush, rush, rush kind of urgency, but a "let's get going".

Help others to understand that today is the only day that matters. Their dream is important and needs to be treated with respect and excitement. They do not have to wait to live out their dreams, they can start right now. You would be surprised - or maybe not - at how many people never even come close to living their dreams.

As a life coach, you have the great and awesome privilege of helping people to discover what they are here for and to live that purpose rather than keep it hidden. Oliver Wendell Holmes said, "Most people go to their graves with the music still inside them." Sadly this is true. But you can make the biggest difference in a person's life.

And what about you? Are you living out your purpose, calling and dream? Are you allowing all your music to be heard? Never cheat yourself or God in not becoming all that you can become. Just because you are a coach does not mean you have made all your own discoveries. Live and use up all that is in you. The grave is not a storage container for another time. This life is it. Make it count and help others to make theirs count.

Thursday, February 6, 2014

Never To Fail

“There are no failures - just experiences and your reaction to them.”

– Tom Krause

(1934-2013) Musician

Many of us have experiences the hurt of the client who, after doing all they knew to do, falls flat on their face. This is even more intense for the coach when you gave them the advice in the first place. The thing to remember here is that we all have our time of failure and disappointment. The key is what we do with this experience that makes the difference between success and failure.

No one likes to fail. We can dress it up with all the positive talk we can find, but it is still disappointing and discouraging. This is not only true for the client but also for the coach. We have a lot invested in our clients. We want them to succeed and we hold an emotional attachment to their success. When they fall short and feel hurt and discouragement, we too feel that discouragement. The hard part for the coach is we cannot show that.

Now is the time to apply what we already know. This is nothing new or original. We know that for the success-minded person there is no failure. Each time we meet with something less than what we hoped for, we learn and grow. As long as we are learning and growing we are moving forward. Many times the bigger the failure the greater the lesson learned.

Help you client know that this is an opportunity for them to learn, grow and become stronger. Work with them to list all the things that this failure can teach them. Get them back on their feet right away. Time spent whining and regretting is time wasted. There is no redeeming value in feeling sorry for ourselves. You, as their coach, can help them find the life lessons hidden in the rubble.

Once you have helped them list (I do mean for you to actually write a list) the lessons to be learned, get them to apply that knowledge to a new and more deliberate attempt at their challenge. Do not allow them to leave your office without a workable plan for the next step. If they leave without knowing what to do next, chances are very good they will do nothing at all.

Help your clients, and you for that matter, see that there is no failure for the person who keeps learning and moving forward. Yes, there will be disappointments and even hard challenges, but they are not failures. They are what is known as life. When there is no other option but success, there is no failure or turning back.

Tuesday, February 4, 2014

Where There Is No Will, There Is No Way

“The difference between a successful person and others is not a lack of strength, not a lack of knowledge, but rather a lack of will.” – Vince Lombardi

As a life coach you will encounter many different and sometimes strange developments in the lives of those who come to you for help. There are those who need you to be a sounding board for their ideas and dreams. There are those who need you to be their guide through the forest of life when they are not sure of the path to take. There are still others who need you to be their starter, giving them a swift kick in the butt to get them going.

The first two groups are reasonable and really what a coach is there to do. Coaches listen to the dreams and ideas of their clients and help them sort through the details so they can start the process of really achieving their goals. Coaches are also there to help give the direction needed when your clients cannot see the forest for the trees. They have come to the fork in the road and need someone to help them decide which path is the best to take.

Then you have the third group, those who are looking for someone to get them going. Yes as a coach we try to motivate and inspire our clients, but that is reserved for those who really do want to achieve a goal in life. The reality is, you will at times come across the man or woman who talks about doing something but never really gets at it. They want a coach more than they want to succeed. They may know what success is and are able to articulate it to you, however, the will to achieve that success is missing.

When I talk of will, I am not referring to the idea of "will power" or doing what is necessary to succeed. The will I refer to is that of desire. Without desire, that burning passion to achieve one's goals, there will be no movement and therefore no success. For the coach this can be a very frustrating experience.

There are two common traits I have found in those who lack the will to achieve. One is that they expect you to coach them for nothing. They can come up with a hundred reasons why they could not "afford" to be coached but how worthy they are for you to do it anyway. The second is, when they fail to move forward, it will be your fault. They will have a dozen excuses for not doing their part and "if you were a better coach" they would have moved forward.

This may seem hard, but I value the time coaches invest in the people they serve. Those who God has called into the coaching profession are people of compassion and mercy. They believe the best in others and desire to help all who want to achieve in life. It is vital that you understand that there are those who will take advantage of you and suck the life from you like a vampire on an eating binge.

Be aware of the one ever important quality in the people you coach, that of desire. Ask yourself, "Do they really desire to achieve a dream or are they just taking up my time?" The time you waste on those who have no will in the first place is time, energy and investment you could be giving to someone who really needs you. And believe me, there are many out there who really need you.