Success In Coaching: August 2014

Thursday, August 28, 2014

Pointing the Way

“The best teachers are those who show you where to look, but don't tell you what to see.”

– Alexandra K. Trenfor

Author

"A wise man will hear and increase in learning,

and a man of understanding will acquire wise counsel."

- Solomon

The Book of Proverbs 1:5 / NASV

One of the best things that I experience while coaching or mentoring someone, is when they suddenly understand a truth or principle on their journey to success. I did not tell it to them, not did I manipulate them in its direction. I simply pointed to way and allowed them to make the discovery.

When these principles of success are discovered by the clients themselves rather than being told, the truth stays with them. Have you ever been studying the Bible and read a portion of Scripture that you know well, have heard it taught and could almost recite it from memory, and suddenly it jumps out at you? "Oh," you cry, "so that is what it means." It is clear, understandable and you never forget it. That is because you made the discovery yourself.

God made you that way

We were created to be a thinking creatures. We have the ability to think, learn, solve problems and discover. Look around you. Everything you see was discovered by someone. There was a person who thought of it and in the process made a valuable discovery. Yes, I know that God creates all things, but He does it through people. He did not one day say, "Let there be a car" and there it was. It took people, the people He created to think it up, work it out and make the many discoveries it takes to build a car.

The search

Now, we know that God can do all things. Then why do you suppose He did not just put everything we have here for us to enjoy? Why do you think He chose humans to do them? I believe that, being created in His image, we were made to think and create. Not on a supernatural level (we are not little gods) but on a very natural level. God gave us His word and He points the way, but we have to make the search. If humans in their laziness (as some are) choose to sit by and let life happen to them, they have the choice. But for those success-minded people who choose to make life happen, the ability to discover is endless.

Don't tell, point

We too need to help those we coach to find the way on their own. You can give them the information, point to the path for them to follow, but do not tell them what to see, do or think. That is for them. Trust that the Holy Spirit will lead them into all truth, as He has promised to do. It is easy to just tell people what to think and believe, but fight the temptation. You are a guide not a dictator. Allow people to grow and become who God has chosen them to be.

You matter to the world. You are here to make a difference and that difference is good. Remember the qualities of a real success-minded person: Be your best. Love God. Have good manners. Discover the unknown. Change the world.

John Patrick Hickey is an author, speaker, and Life Coach. To read more from John Patrick Hickey or to get his books, training and book him to speak to your church, business or group, visit our website at http://www.growthcenter.net or www.johnpatrickhickey.com. © 2014 John Patrick Hickey

Tuesday, August 26, 2014

Five Ways You Can Change the World

“If you choose a life in coaching, you choose to try to make a difference in

the lives of the people you come in contact with.”

– Ron Stolski

Coach

"Love is patient, love is kind and is not jealous; love does not brag and is not arrogant, does not act unbecomingly; it does not seek its own, is not provoked, does not take into account a wrong suffered, does not rejoice in unrighteousness, but rejoices with the truth; bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things."

- Saint Paul

1 Corinthians 13:4-7 / NASV

At the end of each blog I deliberately try to remind you of the qualities, as a success-minded person, that you possess. As a life coach, you have the great privilege and responsibility to pass those qualities on to others. It is up to us to help inspire, motivate and direct others to be their best, love God, have good manners, discover the unknown and change the world. I really do believe that if we all lived by this set of principles and helped others to see their value, we could make the world a much better place.

Be Your Best

To be your best is as simple as it sounds. Do the best job you can do, be the best person you can be, help others to be their best as well. This is not saying to be THE best but to be YOUR best. Far too many people settle to be mediocre and do only what they must to get by. That is a sad way to live and it drags down those who are around them. Likewise, those who settle for nothing but excellence inspire and propel those around them to be their best. Why settle for good when great is in reach?

Love God

Never buy into the thinking that people can believe what they want and it is okay. They can believe anything they want, but it is not okay. As Christian coaches we know and understand that there is no freedom, no victory, no real success, indeed, no life outside of a relationship with Jesus Christ. If we fail to tell others this truth we have failed at the most important thing we do. It is our job to tell those who hire us as coaches the truth. Therefore, we are responsible to do just that. We also have a duty to God and others to live the reality we talk of. You must love God with all you heart, soul and mind. Be the example you are called to be.

Have Good Manners

When did we ever start to think that good manners were old fashion? All good manners are is treating others with kindness and respect. If you care for others as you wish they cared about you, there would be no need to remind others that good manners are needed. Remember the words of the lady who wrote the book on good manner, Emily Post, who said, "Manners are a sensitive awareness of the feelings of others. If you have that awareness, you have good manners, no matter what fork you use."

Discover the Unknown

I know that things change so fast that we do not notice all the wonderful new and exciting inventions there are. And yet, the universe if full of discoveries to be made. The person who you are coaching, or even you, could be the one to make one of those discoveries. Why not? Someone will, why not you? Think of it like the great Orville Wright did, "Isn't it astonishing that all these secrets have been preserved for so many years just so we could discover them!"

Change the World

Do all that you can to be the best that you can and you will change the world for the better. We are all connected in that we all live in this crazy world. If you succeed and become all you were created to be, I become better - the world becomes better. Change the world. You were created to do so. And besides, it really needs it!

Thursday, August 21, 2014

Three Things to Avoid In Talking

“The more articulate one is, the more dangerous words become.”

– May Sarton

(1912-1995) Poet

"When there are many words, transgression is unavoidable,

but he who restrains his lips is wise"

- Solomon

The Book of Proverbs 10:19 / NASV

For success-minded people who are positive, excited about life and eager to help people, talking is something that does not come hard. In fact, it is often what we do best. That is not a bad thing, in fact, it is what helps us do all that we do for others. Talking allows us to communicate, encourage, excite and inspire those who come to us for coaching. It does however have its down side and there are a few things we should watch out for. Here are three key areas that we must avoid in order to be the most helpful.

1) Don't talk too much

It is very easy for those of us who are positive and excited about life to go on and on. We have so much to say and things are so wonderful that we can't help but want to share it. However, the client is there to talk to us, not for us to talk to them. Pay attention to how much you talk, even when you feel it can be helpful. In the coaching session a good average is the client talks 75% of the time and you talk 20%. The left over 5% is for some very welcome quiet.

2) Don't talk too fast

One of the things I discovered in writing is this: I may know what I am saying, but my reader may have no clue. The same is with talking. Remember, you worked, studies and researched to be a coach. You have a good understanding about human behavior and what brings success. Your client on the other hand may not. If you talk fast and use terms that only coaches use, you just may lose the client. Talk at an even pace and be clear. Keep eye contact, and if the client looks like they are confused, stop and ask them if they follow you.

3) Don't talk to impress

For some, having knowledge is more of a badge of honor than a tool to be used. We have all been with the person who loves to impress people with how much they know and all the big words they can spit at you. Do not be that person. Nothing will damage the coaching relationship more than to have your client feel you are talking down to them or that you are just a bunch of hot air. You do not need to impress anyone. It is not about you, it is about the client. It is best to remember the words of businessman, Michael Dell who said, "Try never to be the smartest person in the room. And if you are, I suggest you invite smarter people...or find a different room."

Tuesday, August 19, 2014

Four Small Steps to Get Big Results

“Sometimes the smallest actions can yield the greatest results.”

– Robert Hammond

Artist/Entrepreneur

"For who has despised the day of small things?"

- The Prophet Zechariah

Zechariah 4:10 / NASV

We are lost in a culture that believes that what is good can be better by being bigger. American's are obsessed with big. Our TV's are big, our cars are big, our stores are big, our drinks are big. Even our food is big and to make it better, we are asked to "super size" when we order. The truth is, bigger is not always better. Sometimes, especially when working with people, the smallest things can make the biggest difference. Here are four small steps you can do in coaching that will give you big results.

Step 1. Be welcoming

Have you ever went to someone for help and felt like you were wasting their time? Better question: Has you client ever felt that way with you? When we greet people with a frown and a rushed attitude we send a signal that they are invading our time and they best get busy so we can be through. When a client comes to you, greet them with a smile and warm hand shake. Spend a moment finding out how they are and what their day is like. I once heard Dr. John Maxwell give a bit of advice that I try to use regularly. It is to give the person you meet a compliment within the first 30 seconds of meeting. This not only makes others feel good, but it also starts the meeting off on a good foot.

Step 2. Show interest

Be interested in the goals, dreams and actions of your clients. Don't just be looking to see if they do what you told them to do, but be interested in where they are going and what they are doing to get there. Never talk about you in a coaching session. You are not, never were, and will not be the issue. It is all about them and what they are doing. Listen close to a session and if you use the words I or Me more than You, then you are off base and need to refocus on what is important - the client.

Step 3. Ask questions

When coaching be sure to ask open questions that demand an answer. Keep away from yes and no questions like, "Are you doing well?" or "Did you follow the assignments you had?" Rather ask, what and how questions like, "What did you think about the work you have been doing?" or "Explain to me what you goal is and how you plan to achieve it." This way you allow the client to express their thoughts and dreams. When they can talk more than listen they work through difficulties themselves and become more independent as a thinker.

Step 4. Be encouraging.

Nothing is more powerful to the person who is facing a challenge than someone they respect to honestly and cheerfully say, "You can do this. I believe in you!" A coach is always the biggest cheerleader. Not because they are paid to be, but because they really do believe in their client. You may not understand their dream (you don't need to it is their dream, not yours), but you can believe they will achieve it. If you see each client as someone who was born to be great and do extraordinary things, you will be the best encourager they will have.

Thursday, August 14, 2014

Four Ways to Brighten Someone's Day

“Those who bring sunshine into the lives of others cannot keep it from themselves .”

– J.M. Barrie

(1860-1937) Author

"A joyful heart is a good medicine."

- Salomon

The Book Of Proverbs 17:22 / NASV

Do you know someone that you just love to be around? They are the person who always makes you feel happy, strong and hopeful. I am blessed to have several people in my life like that and I cherish them as if they were all the wealth in the world. Now let me ask you this, are you such a person? Do you brighten a room when you enter? Do people leave your presents feeling better about themselves and about life than they did when you met?

I believe that we are call to be such people. There is something wonderful about people who make us feel good. They can get us to act, not out of guilt or pressure but because we what to please them. Success-minded people look for ways to brighten up other people's day, and in the end, theirs is brighter also. Here are four keys to making others glad you are you.

1) Smile

Simple isn't it? That is all it takes to start to make others feel good. Try this, go to the mall or someplace where there are lots of people and walk around looking at people. Whenever you make eye contact, give them a big warm smile. See what happens. By-the-way, you will also start to feel better. You cannot be down and keep a smile on your face at the same time.

2) Be positive

No one wants to be around someone who is down and negative all the time. Goodness, that is what the news is for isn't it? Be positive and up lifting. Have a good word to say and always see the brighter side of things. Businessman, Richard M. DeVos said, "Few things in the world are more powerful than a positive push. A smile. A word of optimism and hope. A 'you can do it' when things are tough."

3) Be encouraging

If anything, a coach should always be encouraging. The client does not expect to believe in them self, but they do expect you to believe in them. Be the number one cheerleader and supporter of those around you. Don't just say it, people can tell a phony, believe it. Who knows, you just may be coaching the person who will change the world.

4) Tell a joke

Now, I understand that there are time to joke and times to be serious; the problem is many people do not know when the time to joke is. Have fun! Be fun to be with. The people who make me laugh and treasures to me. Actor, Brad Garrett said it right when he said, "You take away all the other luxuries in life, and if you can make someone smile and laugh, you have given the most special gift: happiness."

Tuesday, August 12, 2014

The 3-D's of Victory in Life

“I firmly believe that any man's finest hour, the greatest fulfillment of all that he holds dear,

is the moment when he has worked his heart out in a good cause and lies exhausted

on the field of battle - victorious .”

– Vince Lombardi

(1911-1970) Coach

"Be diligent to present yourself approved to God as a workman who does not need to be ashamed, accurately handling the word of truth."

- Saint Paul

2 Timothy 2:15 / NASV

We have said it before and now we will say it again: Success is hard work. There is now short cuts, easy roads or quick paths. When it comes to achieving our dreams and becoming the people we were created to be, easy is much like fair, it does not exist.

This does not mean it cannot be achieved or one should not go after it with all that is in them. The truth is, the easier something is the less we tend to want it. There is a satisfaction in "winning" the victory rather than it being given to us. This is where many get lead astray when it come to victories in life. Victories must always be won, they are never given.

I believe there are three elements of victory that must always be present for us to be on top in the battle of life. When we understand these three D's, as I call them, we will win our battles, both personal and in life.

D #1. Discipline

Discipline is a word that we often connect with being corrected or punished. In reality, if we learn discipline we will not need to be corrected or punished, we will be in a state of victory. The disciplined person is one who has control over his/her body, mind and spirit. This does not mean they are perfect and never make a mistake; but when they do, they learn from them and take responsibility for them. Discipline means you will do what you need to do, when you need to do it and not back away or procrastinate. As author and speaker Jim Rohn would say, "Discipline is the bridge between goals and accomplishment."

D #2. Dependence

I know that many success-minded people like to think of themselves as independent. That is true and we all should be able to be on our own. Dependence is not bad, it is all a matter who you are dependent on. For the believer in Christ Jesus, we learn that we truly can do nothing without Him. Coaching is a task filled with responsibility and pressure. never to be taken lightly. We are in some cases holding the destiny of others in our hands. I could not do this on my own. I have not the wisdom, intelligence or character qualities for something this great. I must put myself in the hands of an all powerful, all knowing God and look to Him for the guidance I need. Only by being totally dependent on a kind and loving God can we ever hope to live in victory and lead others down the same path.

D #3. Determination

The battles of life will not one day just vanish away. We fight this battle for victory all the days of our life. Therefore, the one who will be victorious is the one who has decided to never give up and never compromise. This does not mean there will not be days when you just want to quit. It means you won't. This does not mean you will not consider compromising what you know is right for what you think is easy. It means you will stand firm. Our commitment to follow the Lord is forever, not for a time.

Thursday, August 7, 2014

Seven Ways to Show Love to Others

“Coaching is a profession of love. You can't coach people unless you love them. .”

– Eddie Robinson

(1919-2007) Coach

"Little children, let us not love with word or with tongue, but in deed and truth."

- Saint John

1 John 3:18 / NASV

We all, if we are honest, know that for many who believe in Christ, the principle of love is known, quoted and taught, but not always understood and practiced. It is hard to love all people. I have always said there are two common statements that I might agree with in principle but not in reality. One is, "There are no stupid questions." I have heard many, very stupid questions in my time. The other is, "I have never met a person I did not like." Sorry, but I have met several who I did not like at all.

So where does this leave us? If we are to love everyone, what do you do with the client or even family member, that we do not really like? Here is a principle of God that really is amazing. When we learn to show love, we begin to experience love. When you care enough to become invested in the lives of others, you begin to really care about them. How does this happen? I really do not know, but I know it does. Here are seven ways you can show love in your coaching practice that will allow you to really care for those you are helping along the way.

1) Practice listening

When you are with a client, listen to what they are saying and what they are not saying. By that I mean that if you really listen, not just to words but to what and how something is being said, you will hear the real problem or difficulty. Listening is an active part of coaching and takes our full attention. Not only will you learn from listening but you will help and encourage those you listen to.

2) Show kindness

Mark Twain once said, "Kindness is a language which the deaf can hear and the blind can see." There is no greater tool to bring two people together than kindness. When you show kindness and caring to others you will begin to feel true caring for them. You cannot truly be kind without love at the base. In turn, others respond to kindness with love and trust.

3) Be honest

I have sadly seen some, in the name of honesty, say cruel and unkind things to others. The idea that by being hurtful you are "speaking the truth in love" is a lie. Love does not hurt but heals. You must build a relationship with a client that they understand that you will always be honest but never hurtful. Yes, we do not always like to hear the truth, but we know that, as it says in Proverbs 27:6, "Faithful are the wounds of a friend, but deceitful are the kisses of an enemy."

4) Give guidance

As a coach, it is your job as well as your duty to give clear, solid and good guidance. Be willing to really help those you meet along the way. Do not just give then answers you think they want or you feel they deserve, but give the best advice and guidance you are capable of giving.

5) Do not take or give excuses

We do not take excuses for failure from those we love. Failure is not a bad thing. For one, it happens. For another, we can learn great lessons from failure. Where the problem comes in is when we make excuses for it. Help your clients to take responsibility when they make a mistake. Likewise, you be responsible for your own mistakes. Remember the words of Benjamin Franklin, "He who is good at making excuses is good at very little else."

6) Expect excellence

If you expect your client to fail or fall short, they will most likely not disappoint you. The same is true for expecting excellence. If we expect our clients to succeed with excellence, they will most likely not disappoint us there either. Love expects the best of others and gives the best in return.

7) Be an example

Many who come for coaching have a hard time acting like a success-minded person because they have never met one before. Be that success-minded person to all your clients. You will never be perfect, but you can be excellent. Not a show, but for real. Be sure that your are practicing personal discipline, spiritual development and are showing the principles of hard work, good morals and strong character. You are the success your clients seek.

Tuesday, August 5, 2014

Using the Right Book

“It is well to remember that reading books about the Bible is a very different thing to

searching the Word for oneself .”

– Harry Ironside

(1876-1951) Author/Bible Teacher

"All Scripture is inspired by God and profitable for teaching, for reproof, for correction, for training in righteousness."

- Saint Paul

2 Timothy 3:16 / NASV

Being a Christian Life Coach is not an easy thing. I know that there are some who believe this is a way to earn good money with little effort. For those of us who have been involved in coaching, even for a short time, know that the opposite reality is true. You give a lot of hard work for very little income.

These coaches also know that we are in coaching not for the income or for the work, but to fulfill a calling we feel to help others on their journey through life. Coaching is a profession that needs much study, the attitude of a constant student and a willingness to improve every day.

Our Resources

As a coach you have many resources at your disposal. The best and most useful are books and reading material. There is a wealth of good books available on Christian coaching. Since we deal with the lives of people, books and material on the basic topic of Christian living are also important. There is much useful information to learn and I would hope that you have designed for yourself a disciplined reading schedule.

The best resources

There is however one resource that stands above all others. This of course is the word of God. The Bible has much to teach us about people, life, living and finding success in all we do. It is not a text book, it is the book of life. All answers are there for the one who is willing to seek it out. This does not mean that other books are of no use. But it does mean that the Bible should always be your foundation for all you believe, teach and use.

Becoming your best

Success-minded people understand that the Bible is not a book of how to help others live, it is a book to help you live. There is nothing in all of scripture that applies to others but not to you. The Scriptures are highly person and are of little use if not personally applied. The best way we can use Scripture in our coaching of others is to know the reality of its power in our own life.

Daily practice

Make it a habit to spend time in the word of God every day. Do not use it as a book to help you find answers for others but as a guide for your life and how you must live. Read other books, attend classes and seminars. Do all you can to learn all you can. God has blessed us with such an abundance of resources. Just remember, only one is total truth. Only one is without mistakes or in need of improvement. Only one is what must be in your daily habits and embraced in your life. That is the Bible, all else are only extras.