Success In Coaching: April 2014

Tuesday, April 29, 2014

Keep It Simple But Keep It Moving

“Order and simplification are the first steps toward the mastery of a subject.”

– Thomas Mann

(1875-1955) German Novelist

We all live in a busy world. We do not have a lot of time to waste on things we see as unnecessary. Therefore, many people look for the quickest, easiest and cheapest way to achieve their goals. They may come to you for coaching and make it clear that they really do not want to do a lot of extra work, but they do want the results. What they must quickly come to understand is that you cannot have one without the other.

When you are pursuing a goal, or helping others to pursue their goals, there are some simple but extremely important steps to follow. Some of these are constantly dropped or skipped by people who think they do not have the time. Coach John Wooden wisely said, "If you don't have time to do it right, when will you have time to do it over?" That is the reality of it all. If you do not do it right the first time, you will do it over.

I would like to look at just a few of the most common steps that people like to skip over in the name of time.

Writing Down Goals

It is one of the most common instructions given by any coach on setting goals. Once you set a goal, write it down. I cannot tell you how many times I have heard someone say, "But I have it all in my head." For one, your brain leaks. You forget things and change things all the time. For a goal to have power it needs to be clear and consistent. This will not happen if you do not write it down.

Review You Written Goals

Once you write down your goals that does not mean it is all taken care of. You write them down so you can see them often and use them to measure your progress. Goals should be reviewed once a week at the least, every day is best.

Setting A Time Line

Napoleon Hill said, "A goal without a deadline is a wish." Don't just set a goal and think that it does not matter when it comes about. If there is not date for its achievement, it will not be achieved. Set a date and keep track as to your progress.

Have A Plan

If you have a goal, do you know how you will achieve it? Work with your clients to help them set a workable plan for the achievement of their goals. What do they need to do and when. Here is a vital key to success. When you set a goal, do something to move you toward its achievement within 24 hours of setting the goal. Do not allow this to pass. If you wait you will most likely not do it at all.

Nothing happens without action and no action happens unless it is made to happen. As a coach, you should always give your clients homework and hold them accountable for its completion. If they do not have time to follow through, they do not have time for success.

You matter to the world. You are here to make a difference and that difference is good. Remember the qualities of a real success-minded person: Be your best. Love God. Have good manners. Discover the unknown. Change the world.

John Patrick Hickey is an author, speaker, and Life Coach. To read more from John Patrick Hickey or to get his books, training and book him to speak to your church, business or group, visit our website at http://www.growthcenter.net or www.johnpatrickhickey.com. © 2014 John Patrick Hickey

Thursday, April 24, 2014

Every Wall Should Have A Window

“The wall we build around us to keep out the sadness also keep out the joy.”

– Jim Rohn

(1930-2009) Author / Speaker

A young man who I was coaching came to me with a question. He was fairly new to coaching and wanted to start his own practice. His desire was sincere and he really wanted to help people and add value to their lives. To do this he decided to focus on the things he felt would make him better. He studies and read everything he could find on coaching and personal development. He worked hard at maintaining a positive attitude, to the point where he disconnected himself from the world and all the negative elements that are there. What was his question? Simple, "Why am I so miserable?"

There are many in this world who believe that the best way to keep away from the hurt and negativity that is around them is to build walls of separation. They do not allow themselves to be touched by the things of the world nor the people in it. This will always lead to loneliness and pain. In a desperate attempt to keep yourself untouched, you become untouchable. This is really a bad misunderstanding about what it means to be separate from the negative things in life.

As Christians I have heard people state that God has called them to be separate from the world. This is a long running story in the Church going back to the early monks who would lock themselves away. Where I agree that we are not to live as the world lives, we are to in this world. Remember that you are the salt and light that God has placed in the world. We are the change makers who bring hope and victory to a hurting and lost world. We are to be in the world but the world is not to be in us.

Here is a fact, you need other people and they need you. Will that mean that you have to associate with those who are negative and living in sin? Yes it does. Jesus Himself associated with sinners and the ungodly. The thing is, they were not the same with Him in their lives, He was not changed by them. Likewise, you are to make a difference in the lives of others, not them making a difference in you. You are not there to bring judgment and wrath. You are there to bring hope, love, acceptance and to give freely what the Lord has given freely to you.

Do not hide from the world around you. There is a lot of pain and negativity out there but there is a lot of wonderful things as well. For one, the world is filled with people who Jesus loved so much He was willing to die for them. The least we can do is live with them. A positive attitude, winning spirit and godly life all come from within us, not from the outside.

Tuesday, April 22, 2014

Overcoming Fear

“If you want to conquer fear, don't sit home and think about it. Go out and get busy.”

– Dale Carnegie

(1888-1955) Author / Speaker

Nothing can stall, detour and even paralyze the achievement of a goal like fear can. Fear causes us to avoid the challenges that are there to strengthen and develop us. Fear will cause many to put off doing what must be done in order to achieve their success. The worst part is that 99% of the fear is about things that have not and will not happen.

Coaches are constantly faced with the challenge of fear. Clients who have all the ability and talent to achieve great things, become caught in the muck of fear and do nothing. So how do we as coaches help the people who come to us for guidance and advice? There are a few simple steps that you can help others take that will free them from the dreadful grip of fear.

Change Their Focus

One way that fear is able to have such a strong hold on us is that we tend to think about the things we fear all the time. Do not allow your clients to focus on the "what could happen" or the "what if's" in their life. Remind them that they are creating the very things they fear rather than controlling them. Focus on what needs to be done to succeed, what will happen when they do achieve their goals and the victories and blessing they have right now.

Get Busy And Do Something

We have talked many times about the fact that there is no success without action. Action is also the most effective and powerful weapon against fear that any of us have. The person who is busy taking action to achieve their goals is not cowering in the corner with fear. Get your client busy. Give them actual action steps to follow and help them to do more than they think.

Trust God

As people of faith, we know and believe that God is in control of our lives. Throughout Scripture we see God instructing His people NOT TO FEAR. Why is that? It is because there is nothing to fear. Think of it this way (Forgive me for using my own thoughts as the example). I believe that God created me by choice not by chance. He wanted me on this planet because He had a task for me to do. God gave me the dream, the passion and purpose that makes me who I am. If that is true (I totally believe that it is) then He had every intention for me to fulfill that purpose. I may not know how the journey will go or what I will have to learn along the way, but I do know that I will make it to the end. If I have the Creator of all things behind me, how can I fail? Help your clients to understand, know and believe that, and fear will be no more than a passing emotion.

Thursday, April 17, 2014

It's Bitter Or Better

“Things don't go wrong and break your heart so you can become bitter and give up. They happen to break you down and build you up so you can be all that you were intended to be.”

– Charlie (Tremendous) Jones

(1927-2008) Author / Speaker

One of the difficult things to deal with as a coach is when your client faces the inevitable issue of disappointment. They will have plans and dreams that will fall through. They will work hard to achieve a goal only to watch it fall apart before them. We all face these times, but that knowledge does not always make it easy when it happens to you or those you are working with.

The issue here really is not the disappointment or struggles people face, but rather what we do when that happens. Here is where the success-minded person can shine their brightest. That happens when determination and persistence replace disappointment and discouragement.

As a coach, it is our place to use this time as a life lesson. Help your client to understand that setbacks and failures are all a part of success. In fact, as the great Dale Carnegie once said, "Develop success from failure. Discouragement and failure are two of the surest stepping stones to success." It is the person who never fails, who never faces defeat, who never feels discouraged that never succeeds.

The coach is never one who comforts by surrender. They will not encourage a defeated client to give up, go back or accept defeat. The coach is the one who will lovingly apply a swift kick to the backside and say, "Time to get moving and this time we will win!"

Encouragement is far more than a pat on the back or agreement that something is worthwhile. Encouragement is helping others to be determined and never give up. The help them see that their dreams are not just worth dying for, but living for.

Tuesday, April 15, 2014

Do It Yourself

“You cannot help men permanently by doing for them what they could and should do for themselves.”

– Abraham Lincoln

(1809-1865) Former U.S. President

One of the things I have been known for in my coaching is giving homework. In fact, I give some kind of an assignment after every coaching session. All have to be written out, send back to me before our next talk. Why do I do this? It is not to keep people busy. I believe that there is no success without action. So my desire is to get you started taking some kind of action.

Many in coaching know that you will occasionally find a person who does not want to do much work for themselves. They have all the good excuses that they are too busy (like you have nothing to do), family problems, not feeling well and on and on. They ask you to "help" them come up with a goal, set a plan and even pass on information to them that they could find themselves.

Here is the real problem, some coaches actually do it. Please remember this simple rule: Do not do anything that your client can do for him/her self. No matter how simple it is or that you have ready access to some information, allow them to do it for themselves. You can tell them where to find it, but let them find it.

You are not being hard or unkind here, you are helping them to grow. The better they learn how to discover information for themselves and how to design and plan out their goals, the faster they will not need a coach. Coaching is not therapy. There should always be an end to coaching in sight. Otherwise, the client will start to slow down and just depend on the next session to get them through rather than their own work.

I have a basic policy of only four coaching sessions (This is my way, I am not saying it is what you should do or that more sessions are a bad thing. Just sharing my experience). I feel that for the type of coaching I do, it should be done in four sessions and the person is on their way. I am there to help with questions and issues along the way, but the regular sessions are done. Going in, my clients know what to expect, what the homework will be and when I expect it. I have found this to work very well.

The best way to see progress and achievement come to a person's life is to allow them to do as much work on their own as you can. Yes, they will make mistakes and have to do some things over, that is okay. Mistakes are how we learn. What they will gain is the ability to think ahead, set and plan of action and get things done. That will bring them success.

Thursday, April 10, 2014

A Building Project

“Your success will be the degree to which you build up others who work with you. While building up others, you build up yourself.”

– James Casey

(1922-2011) Comedian

In coaching many times you may have the opportunity to coach someone in a leadership position. They may want to learn how to be a better leader, how to get more done or ways they can move to the next level in their career. No matter what they may be looking for, one of the main issues in all leadership coaching is how they treat other people. Be it in business or ministry, how a leader treats those they lead will mark the difference between success or failure.

Coaching can be a very self focused thing. It is just its nature. You are looking to improve or move forward and therefore the focus is on the you, not the them. However, when it comes to leadership, it is all about the them. Leaders, lead. They have people who are following them to a destination. If that is not the case, then they are not leading. As Dr. John C. Maxwell says, "If a leader does not have anyone following them then they are just going for a walk."

As a coach, help your client to understand that their first concern needs to be, are they building up the people who follow them? Are the people on the team growing and becoming better as they go along under their leadership. Sometimes leaders do not like to see the people following them become really good at their jobs. The fear is that they will someday replace them. What you need to help them understand is that is exactly what they should be working toward.

The success of others should never be a threat to the success-minded person. One of the marks of a great leader is that when they leave their position, they have raised up someone who is better than they were to replace them. If we do not help others to be their best, even better than we are, then we really are not leading others but just walking with them.

Help your clients see that their success as a leader is in the quality of the people they are leading. I have seen too many times business leaders and Pastors who mistreat or hold down people on their team who show great potential. They fear that if others are better than they are they will out shine them. However, great leaders understand that when you help those on your team to shine, you all shine brighter. The best leaders always have the best people and work hard to make them even better that they found them.

Tuesday, April 8, 2014

Making People Remarkable

“People become really quite remarkable when they start thinking that they can do things.”

– Dr. Norman Vincent Peale

(1898-1993) Pastor / Author

One of the key elements of coaching is not giving direction, advice, support or steps to follow. The thing that will create the biggest change in people is that of giving them permission to succeed. People know what their dreams are, they have held on to them for ages. They know many times what is required to achieve those dreams as well. What they need is for someone to tell them it is okay to go for the dream. They need just one person to believe in them and tell them they can do it.

There are few things in the coaching experience better than to see the face of a client who finally gets it. They know that it is possible for them to achieve success and become the person they have always wanted to be. It is wonderful. I agree with the great Mark Twain when he said, "The two most important days in your life is the day you were born and the day you find out why."

Once a person knows and understands that they can achieve their dreams and they have a purpose, there is no stopping them. Success-minded people are those who believe that they were created for a reason and that the God of the universe will see that that purpose is fulfilled. What was once an impossible dream has now become a holy quest.

Do not think that you have to understand or even agree with a person's dream to help them find the inner resources to fulfill it. Their purpose, their dream is between them and God. We may think that they are reaching for the sky and what they want is totally impossible, however, these are the very people who do the totally impossible. I believe that there are times when God is looking for someone foolish enough to believe they can do what cannot be done.

Be an encourager as a coach. Inspire your clients to do great and impossible things. Help others to see that they are really remarkable and that God created them to do great things. The reward is that you get to see those who could do nothing on their own become great achievers and change the world for the better.

Wednesday, April 2, 2014

Always Accepted

“Knowing that we can be loved exactly as we are gives us all the best opportunity for

growing into the healthiest of people.”

– Fred Rogers

(1928-2003) Children's Television Host

There is a great need in our world that is becoming more and more challenging as time goes by. This problem has cause many to give up on their dreams and settle for lives of mere existence. The old desire to become something special has turned into a belief that you are not special at all, and for some, they feel as if they were a mistake that needs to be corrected. This problem is the feeling that we are unacceptable as we are.

The reason that people feel unacceptable are far too deep and involved to be covered in a mere blog. Let's just say that our disregard for human life, our acceptance of defeat in our dreams and the constant teaching that no one is special but all are the same are key factors. All of these claims are also totally untrue and baseless.

In coaching you may often find a person who has a desire to succeed in the dream, however, they are not sure if it is even right to succeed. We have come to see success as sinful or wrong. That if we become all we are capable of becoming we will not longer be pleasing to God (Whose love we already question) and therefore cast aside.

It is a sadly common scenario that people strive to please a God who they believe they can never please. They want to do right but always feel they fail and that God is angry, displeased and has rejected them. Those who embrace this kind of thinking will never succeed in anything they do.

As a coach, help your clients and all those who you have the ability to deal with, that God's love is pure, full and unconditional. Not only does He love us enough to give His only Son to pay for our sins, but He loves us just the way we are. The road to achievement requires many changes in our life. Success comes through hard work and strategic planning. However, the one thing in life we do not have to work at is our acceptance before God.

Some think that by accepting that God loves us just as we are and that we never have to, or can, earn His love and approval means we will sin and not care that we do. The opposite is true. Those who believe they are deeply loved and accepted by God are those who walk upright before Him in love and devotion. If you always have to earn acceptance, you soon give up. It is in God's love that we have the power to be just who He made us to be.

There is no healthier state than knowing that you are always accepted for who you are. God has great plans for your life and there will be many changes and you will work very hard to achieve them, but you will never have to work at being accepted by Him. That is a given to those who claim to be His. That is real success.