Success In Coaching: June 2014

Tuesday, June 24, 2014

There is a Cure for Boredom

“If you're bored with life - you don't get up every morning with a burning desire to do things - you don't have enough goals.”

– Lou Holtz

(1937- ) Coach

“Whatever you do, do your work heartily, as for the Lord rather than for men, knowing that from the Lord you will receive the reward of the inheritance. It is the Lord Christ whom you serve.”

– St. Paul

Letter to the Colossians 3: 23-24 / NASV

Linda (not real name) was a middle school teacher. She like teaching well enough and was at a good school. Linda wanted to talk with me because she felt she needed something more in her life but did not know what. After a short time of her telling me all that she didn't want to do, I began to see all the classic symptoms: disinterest in everything, indifference to new ideas or opportunities, lack of willingness to make changes and a general sense of hopelessness - Linda was bored!

I am sure many of you have experienced a Linda in your practice. Sadly, the world is full of bored people. Boredom is one of the hardest battles to face simply because people who are bored will not do anything to get out of it. It is like dealing with your kids (if you have some).

Little Billy: "I'm bored!"

You: "Go outside and play."

Little Billy: "There's nothing to do."

You: "Find something to do."

Little Billy: "Like what?"

You: "I don't know, what do you want to do?"

Little Billy: "I don't know. Nothing."

And this goes on forever!

Boredom can make your client seem like a little Billy in your office. This is not uncommon but it is very frustrating. So, what do you, as a coach, do to help? Try these few ideas.

First: Point Out The Problem

I can promise you that when you tell your client that the problem is they are bored they will say, "No I'm not!" Two things that are very common in bored people, (1) they can't see that they are bored and (2) they do nothing to get out of it. Help them to see that boredom is really nothing more than a lack for vision and passion to achieve. In short, they do not have enough challenging goals.

Second: Tell Them What to Do

Now is the time for the coach to exercise some authority. If you ask them what they want to do in life you will end up in the little Billy conversation. They need you to be strong and push them out of this. Start with telling them they must do an assignment right then and there. Give them a paper and pen and have them begin to list all the things they are really good at. Do not add a list of what they are not good at - they will stay there for hours.

Third: Why are You Here

Now, ask them why they are on this planet in the first place. If they have sought out a coach they know they have a purpose. When I was talking with Linda, her response was that she felt God has called her to be a teacher.

Forth: Restart the Fire

I asked Linda what she would have to do to be the very best teacher in the school system? What would she have to do to be the best in the state? What are the things she would have to change in her life to become the very best teacher she could be? Her assignment was to create an action plan for that achievement and bring it with her at the next visit - or there would be no next visit.

End of Story

Linda came back the following week a changed person. She told me that the more she worked on how she could be the best, the more excited she got. This is true with all of us. The problem with boredom is that we lose sight of what is possible. In fact, the best cure for boredom is the believe you can do the impossible. We all need a bit of the impossible in our life.

You matter to the world. You are here to make a difference and that difference is good. Remember the qualities of a real success-minded person: Be your best. Love God. Have good manners. Discover the unknown. Change the world.

John Patrick Hickey is an author, speaker, and Life Coach. To read more from John Patrick Hickey or to get his books, training and book him to speak to your church, business or group, visit our website at http://www.growthcenter.net or www.johnpatrickhickey.com. © 2014 John Patrick Hickey

Thursday, June 19, 2014

Three Beliefs That Lead to Success

“Few things in the world are more powerful than a positive push. A smile. A word of optimism and hope. A 'you can do it' when things are tough.”

– Richard M. De Vos

(1926- ) Businessman / Speaker

“A man will be satisfied with good by the fruit of his words, and the deeds of a man's hands will

return to him.”

– Solomon

Book of Proverbs 12:14 / NASV

As coaches, we have all been there. We are with a client and listening to then talk of their discouragement, lack of progress and fear of what is ahead for them. In our heart we want to lovingly stand up, take them by the shoulders and shake them till their brains rattle in the head. Happily, we do not do that, or at least I hope you don't.

What this person needs is to have their thinking redirected from what is not working to what is working. This is why they have sought out a coach in the first place. We all want to be told that success is possible and why it is. I believe there are three simple things you can and should point out to your client to help them move forward in their journey to achievement.

1) God is on their side

If your client is or is not a person of faith, you need to help them see that God is not their enemy but He is fully supportive of them. We have all been created for a purpose. No one is here because God had a quota to fill or by accident. We all have a purpose and that purpose is the dream that is in our heart. God gave us that dream and therefore He intended for us to achieve it. If the God of the universe is behind you, how can you fail?

2) They have the ability to achieve the goal

Continuing with the thought that they were created to fulfill their purpose, then they must understand that God gave them all they need to achieve it. I know that it all looks very impossible to these who are seeking to achieve their dreams. However, if you could do it on your own you would not need God. Since we always need Him, the dream has got to be God sized - in short, impossible.

3) They can do it.

I believe the most powerful and helpful thing we can say to a client is, "You can do this!" The trick is, you have to believe they can. If you are just saying words they will see that as phony and will be crushed. If you believe they can achieve their goals, they will believe it.

Be excited for the future of you clients, each and every one. You have no idea what God has in store for them. This person who now seems frightened and weak may just be the one who changes everything. And God allowed you to be a part of that!

Tuesday, June 17, 2014

How to Dream With Your Brain

“Follow your heart but take your brain with you.”

– Zig Ziglar

(1926-2012) Author / Speaker

“Give me understanding, that I may observe Your law and keep it with all my heart.”

– Solomon

Book of Proverbs 119:34 / NASV

I believe in following your dreams. That you have to make a decision to go for it with full gusto and do whatever it takes to achieve your goals. However, here is where some people get things confused. It is the "whatever it takes" statement. They use this as an excuse to do what is not honest, what is not truthful and what they know to be against God's guidelines. That is never acceptable.

Success-minded people know that there is never, I say NEVER a reason to cheat, lie or steal to achieve your goals. Only the person of true character can achieve real success. Bending the rules a bit may seem like they are moving you forward, but your sin will always find you out. If you have to lie to cover a lie, do something dishonest to keep from being caught for doing something dishonest, you will in the end fail.

As a coach, we are to help clients see that the guidelines the Lord has give us in His word are not just guidelines, they are lifelines. They are there to help us succeed and to keep us from hurting ourselves and others. You will not find a time when God "bent the rules" in order to achieve a goal. To be a person of character is always the first and number one goal of every success-minded person. Lose that and you have lost it all.

To do whatever it takes means that we are willing to do the work of success. Success does not come easy, not even to the believer. It will always come through hard work, sacrifice and determination. It is that way because the Lords has designed it so character can be build in us. If we had everything just given to us we would not be true children of God. Look what happens to our own children when we just give them anything they want. They do not end up the kind of people you would want them to be. God loves us all too much to make us spoiled brats.

Have your dream. Encourage your clients to have theirs; and make those dreams big. God gives us the dream and He will give us all that is needed to achieve it. The thing to remember is that He will never lead you to be dishonest. He will never wink at sin or turn His eye away from wrong doing. He has called us to be His representative to this world. How important is that to you? Are you willing to do "all that it takes" to be an obedient follower of Jesus? The reward, as in all things worthwhile, is greater than the effort.

Thursday, June 12, 2014

How to Allow the Good to Catch You at Last

“When you stop chasing the wrong things, you give the right things a chance to catch you.”

– Lolly Daskal

Write / Life Coach

“So do not worry about tomorrow; for tomorrow will take care of itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.”

– Jesus Christ

Matthew 6:34 / NASV

We all know far too well that each and every day brings with it its own set of problems and challenges. There are times that we think we should be beyond this. After all, we are Life Coaches and Christians to boot. We know the things we need to do and have helped others deal with some of the very issues we face; so why do we have to go around this mountain again and again?

This is life. That is not an excuse or a surrender to the difficulties we face, it is just a fact. Every person on the planet who is taking in air, faces challenges and problems. Just because we have helped others does not make us immune to the issues of problems in life. It is always easier to help others than it is to see the answers to our own issues.

There is however an answer to this. It will not remove all problems from your life but it will provide you with the tools to confront, deal with and have victory over them. Here are three things that I have found to be the most helpful when facing challenges.

1) Know There is an Answer

The first step is just accepting and believing that there is an answer to the problems you face. That means all the problems. You may not see it right off, but if you know it is there you can remain positive and determined. Your attitude is the most powerful tool you have. By knowing that every problem has an answer and that you will never give up till you find that answer you will never be defeated.

2) Trust in God

This may seem like a no brainer, but the fact is most believers do not trust God. If we did there would be no worry or distress. I do not toss this out as some simply saying to make you feel guilty. It is hard to trust - but it is the only way. Remember too that trusting God is taking action. You will not naturally trust Him, none of us do. It is a deliberate act that we must do over and over again. Do not cloud the issue with guilt and worry. He knows you and even better He knows the human fallen nature, yet He chose you and He loves you. Nothing surprises Him and He is never at a loss. God not only can be trusted, He is worthy of our trust.

3) Focus on the Good

When we are faced with a problem we are instantly focused on what we cannot do. We see our limitations and we panic. Look at the things you can do. There is always things we can do even if it is just trusting God and looking for a solution. Keep your sights on the positive and stand strong. When we stop focusing on the problem the answer can catch up with us.

Tuesday, June 10, 2014

Few Words are Always Better

“Have something to say, and stop when you are done.”

– Tryon Edwards

(1809-1894) American Theologian

“When there are many words, transgression is unavoidable, but he who restrains his lips is wise.”

– King Solomon

Proverbs 10:19 / NASV

Few things can harm a coach / client relationship more than a coach who does not know when to be quiet. Coaching is the ability to give sound guidance and direction, however, you cannot do that if you talk more than you listen. The client is paying for you to help them, not to hear your opinions on everything from theology to your vacation plans.

Successful coaches have learned that the more they listen and learn the better they can give the direction and help their clients need to achieve their success. Here are a few ideas you can use to help you hear more words than you speak.

Listen More Than You Talk

One of the things you may want to do is note the amount of time you are talking and the time you are listening. If you are talking - no matter how good you think that talk is - more than you are listening, you are talking too much. Listening needs to be active and focused. If you are thinking of what to say, you are not listening.

Listen to What is Not Being Said

If you listen to what your client is saying and how they are saying it, you will hear what is not being said. They may be talking as if they are confident and certain on what they wish to do, but do you hear fear or worry in their voice? This can direct the conversation to what is really the issues they need to deal with. Do not just listen to words, listen to emotions, to the hints that say what is not said.

Answer Questions

In our desire to help someone, we often will try to answer the questions that they never ask. Where our intention may be good, it can very confusing for the client. When asked a question, answer that question. Many times we can answer by leading them to another question that is more relevant to their situation. Never try to impress a client with how much you know. Help them to discover just how much they know.

End With Instructions

If you have some direction or an assignment you want them to do, give this information at the end of your conversation. Do not be using their time with you to cover your own agenda. Allow them that time to talk and question, then, when your session is done, give them the instruction they need to move on. Doing this at the end of a session will also help them to remember the assignment better.

Thursday, June 5, 2014

Lighting the Way

“Because the darker the surrounding, the brighter the candle will shine. Light just shines

brighter in darkness. Light always wins.”

– Louisa Chan

Author / Coach

“Let you light shine before men in such a way that they may see your good works, and glorify your Father who is in heaven.”

– Jesus Christ

Matthew 5:16 / NASV

When we take on the role of a coach in a person's life, we take on a great responsibility. Coaches are guides and those who seek a coach are seeking someone to help them through a time or situation in their life. This is never taken lightly or without deep thought. I have always felt that if someone was going to trust me to give them advice on what is often the most important issues of their life, I had better be right.

This does not mean that I, or you, have to be perfect before we can guide others. It does mean that we should be living the reality of what we tell others to do. If I am telling you to work hard and commit yourself to achieving success, yet I sit around and do little with my own time, I will not be a very good light. Never believe for a second that your example does not matter to your clients. It matters more than any words you say. If you cannot live by the standards you propose, how do you think they will?

I am a believer in having a personal mission statement (something we will talk more of in a later blog). My personal mission statement is this: "To be a consistent example and teacher of personal excellence and leadership skills. To live a life that will show the reality of Jesus Christ in the life of a believer." It is my goal and passion to live up to this every day of my life. I do not always achieve it fully, but I do strive to every day.

You, as a coach, must look at your own life and ask the question: "Am I living the life I instruct my clients to live?" If not, then you need to discover why not. Every day you must work to be the person who can set the standard of a successful person who shows "the reality of Jesus Christ in the life of a believer".

Like it or not, you are an example to others. There is no escaping it or passing it off onto others. If you feel you have been called to be a coach, you have been called to be an example. The two are never separated. It is the example that you show to others that will light their way to success and fulfillment. You cannot do it for them and you are not responsible for their actions, however, you can show the way and you are responsible for you.

Tuesday, June 3, 2014

Good Does Not Mean Strong

“Strengths are not activities you're good at, they're activities that strengthen you. A strength is an activity that before you're doing it you look forward to doing it; while you're doing it, time goes by quickly and you can concentrate; after you've done it, it seems to fulfill a need of yours.”

– Marcus Buckingham

Author / Speaker

There are people who are good at things. Perhaps they are good working with their hand, writing, singing, selling or working with other people. Those who are around them and care for them may well say, "You should do _____ for a living." There are many who have based their careers on the things they are good at only to end up miserable and unsatisfied.

As a coach you want to help people find where they are strong, not necessarily good. Our strengths define us and allow us to become all we are meant to be. Our skills can be learned, our strengths come naturally to us. We all have talents and abilities that come in handy in life, however, they may not be meant to become our careers or life work. Here are some ways you can identify your strengths in life.

What Do You Love to Do?

A key way to find your strengths is by looking at what you really love to do. What is it that gives you the greatest satisfaction in life? If you could do anything at all, what would that be?

It is very important that we see our strengths as our guide to our careers. When you love what you are doing you become more productive, work with greater excellence and you avoid burn out. People often burn out or become frustrated in their careers simply because it is not what they want to do. Forcing yourself to do things, even if you are good at them, causes stress and stress causes us to wear out quickly.

What are You Most Successful At?

When you are working from your strengths you are more likely to be successful at what you do. Because you love what you do and are good at it, you are willing to do what it takes to be excellent. You will be willing, in fact, there is no holding you back from learning all you can, being all you can be and going the extra mile to go from good to great.

What Makes You Sing?

Here is a simple test to see if you are working from your strength: As you prepare for work, do you sing or do you feel angry or tired? As Marcus Buckingham said, "You strengths make you strong. Your weaknesses make you weak." If you are working from your strengths you will look forward to you work day and expect it to be productive and enjoyable. This does not mean you will not work hard or that all will be easy and light. The truth is, when we do the things we love we work harder, longer and are willing to face all the difficulties with a song.

If you have a client, or maybe this applies to you, who is good at what they do, but they are not happy with what they do, maybe they have missed their strengths. Being good is never good enough. Success-minded people always strive for excellence in all they do. To be excellent is more than skills and abilities, it is loving what you do and doing what you love.