Growing Up

“It takes courage to grow up and become who you really are.”

– e.e. cummings

(1894-1962) Poet

The classic story of Peter Pan has been loved and enjoyed by thousands.  The draw has always been the idea of a boy who would not grow up.  For most people, they know the version done by Walt Disney where Peter is a charming lad and the children go off to Never land for great adventures.  For those who have ventured into the original book by J.M. Barrie found a story a bit different.  The original story is very dark, bloody and filled with sadness and danger. 

                This is true for all those who do not wish to grow up.  People have a fantasy that not growing up means fun and lack of responsibility.  They hope for adventures, not danger; the ability to fly, not the possibility of being shot with an arrow.  In reality, however, those who refuse to grow up never achieve their destiny, they do not enjoy the fruits of success and end up empty and broken by a cruel and uncaring world.  As President Abraham Lincoln said, "You cannot escape the responsibility of tomorrow by evading it today."

                As a coach, you may have found clients who come to you with a great fear of responsibility.  They want someone to tell them what to do - someone meaning you.  They do not like to make decisions or to stick their necks out by taking a risk.  Fear has paralyzed them and they come to you, looking for answers.

                In order to help these dear souls you must help them first to grow up.  I am not suggesting that you be harsh and tell them, "If you just grew up you would not be in this mess", even though that is the truth.  The thing that keeps people from growing up is the fear of being responsible for themselves.

                This is why it is important to never make a decision for them or tell them what to do.  Help them make their own decision, give them support in those decisions but do not take responsibility for them.  You will find that when a person starts being responsible (doing assignments on time and doing their own planning), and making their own decisions (what they should do and not do), they will feel more in control and confident.

                Growing up is a natural process.  It happens whether we want it to or not.  You are really not helping them to grow up, you are helping them see that they are already grown up.  Being a grown up is a great adventure in itself.  Yes, you now have to be responsible for yourself, make your own decisions and carry your own weight, but that is how it was meant to be.  Anything less is unnatural and therefore difficult to maintain.

                Be the grown up in your coaching relationships and show yourself as a responsible leader.  Your clients will see this and have an example to follow without you even telling them to.  They are looking for answers remember, that is why they came to you.  So, show them the answer.

                You matter to the world.  You are here to make a difference and that difference is good.  Remember the qualities of a real success-minded person: Be your best.  Love God.  Have good manners. Discover the unknown.  Change the world.

John Patrick Hickey is an author, speaker, and Life Coach. To read more from John Patrick Hickey or to get his books, training and book him to speak to your church, business or group, visit our website at http://www.growthcenter.net or www.johnpatrickhickey.com.   © 2014 John Patrick Hickey